Need sex. Gaining weight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
