I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
