Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
