just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
