Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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