I just threw up on my dentist
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
