in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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