I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
