Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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