So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
