Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
