i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
