I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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