I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
