Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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