She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s