I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring