And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.