i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water