Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
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Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.