i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.