she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.