Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"

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(914): i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie" http://tfl.nu/2g0i

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.

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(403): So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint. http://tfl.nu/8aqq

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(419): View more from Ohio

It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.

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(419): It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo. http://tfl.nu/e5lr

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(330): View more from Ohio

just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c

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(330): just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c http://tfl.nu/s239

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(631): View more from New York

So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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(631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm

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(208): View more from Idaho

he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

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(208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf

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(+61): View more from Australia

It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

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(+61): It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination. http://tfl.nu/nbvv

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(303): View more from Colorado

According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.

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(303): According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool. http://tfl.nu/eu48

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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(570): Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well. http://tfl.nu/plf2

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(705): View more from Ontario

I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.

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(705): I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler. http://tfl.nu/mskj

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(325): View more from Texas

3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!

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(325): 3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches! http://tfl.nu/avjf

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(914): View more from New York

Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.

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(914): Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging. http://tfl.nu/hkzz

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(941): View more from Florida

Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult

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(941): Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult http://tfl.nu/exna

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.

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(203): Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker. http://tfl.nu/9u82

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(719): View more from Colorado

Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.

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(719): Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink. http://tfl.nu/ib0d

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