You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
