Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
