i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
