he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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