I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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