I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
