I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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