Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
