At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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