it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
