dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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