im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
