Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
