Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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