you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
