I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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