im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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