felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
