How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
