quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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