You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
