Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We're too hungover to prance.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
