he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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