I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
