Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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