im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
