She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
