Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
