saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
