3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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