Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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