Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
