Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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