Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
