is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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