Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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