your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
