I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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