Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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