2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
