i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
