dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
