So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
