these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
